Realization about Friendships

Warning: this post will not really contain anything of intellectual substance (I think...)

I just realized this morning and all day today that I have to close the door and move on to the next room of my life. Some events from last week brought me to this revelation: some old friends made it fairly obvious that they had already shut the door on me. Contact has been weak at best for the past 2-3 years. They moved on, I hadn't. I'm still nostalgic of the past... when Central's group, Impact/Prime Time, was going so well. Damn, I miss those people. They all have a special place in my heart. But it's time to move on now.

After Alan and I got married, about a third disappeared off the face of the social earth. That's a strange thing about our society (or maybe just LV). When people get married, all the singles seem to vanish and don't want to come over and hang out anymore. When people have kids, they vanish and say they don't have time anymore. Conversations became more and more stilted.

Now there are some other people who I've tried being friends with, but they've hardly reciprocated. They hardly called before having kids (for those who do have kids now), and now they never call. I realize I'm low on their list. I need to shut that door, though I don't want to, and move on to the next room of my life. I'll still be here for them (if they ever call) and I'll aim to not hold grudges (I'm being honest), but I'm no longer going to look to them for friendship. I need to find other people who will reciprocate. After talking with my parents about it, I realize it's not me... it's the culture of the town. It's hard to find healthy friends who will reciprocate. It sucks. I never felt like I really belonged here anyway. I've always been looking for a way out.

I also need to give up Sunday night church. I have no real friends there. I might find friends elsewhere.